Tuesday 14 November 2017

Sahabiyyah- 7 Things Modern Muslim Women can learn from Umm Umara/Nusaybah bint Ka'ab (r.a)

Sahabiyyah for modern Muslim women (continues)

I previously wrote about Khadija bint Khuwaylid (r.a), who was known for her strength in character. We shall now look at another woman who is known for her physical strength.

Who is Nusaybah (r.a)?
She was a mujahidda - someone who strive in the path of Allah.

Why is she a role-mode?

Nusaybah was one of the many female Sahabiyyah who was known not only for her emotional strength but also for her physical prowess in the battlefield.

She had been married twice and all her sons were shaheeds (martyrs).

She was one of the 2 women from Al-Ansar who made the trip to Madina for umrah and to pledge her allegiance to the prophet Muhammad (s.a.w)


What can we learn from her?
1. Courage and bravery is for women too
Umm Umara is known to have shown tremendous courage, and maybe the reason she is most known for is the fact that she has been described by the prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) as being one of the strongest people on the battlefield, particularly for the battle of Uhud.

She had participated in most of the battles during the prophet’s time and continued to support other battles after the death of the prophet (s.a.w).

The prophet said ‘whenever I looked to the right or left I saw her fighting in front of me’. She became the shield of the prophet Muhammad (saw) in the battle of Uhud .

The story goes that Nusabah was only meant to be handing out water in the battle of Uhud, and the prophet had given orders to the army to remain on the hills, but the army did not listen and as a result, the enemy took advantage of this and attacked. A lot of sahabas fled, many of whom were men. Seeing this, Nusaybah decided instead of picking buckets of water to pick up a sword and fight to save Allah’s messenger. She was fearless, she didn’t have a shield and did not care about her own safety- her priority was to protect the prophet at all cost, including her own life.  The prophet never failed to compare her courage as being the better than  men at the battle of Uhud.

When one of the male companions was running away to save his own life, the prophet (s.a.w) shouted to him to throw his shield to Nusaybah who so far had been fighting just with a sword and without a shield. This shows how much courage she did have indeed.

Nusaybah had many wounds in many a battle, but during the battle of Uhud she sustained 13 wounds, one of which was a very deep cut on her neck which took 1 whole year to heal.

In another battle, she lost her wrist and became disabled yet that did not stop her to fight with other parts of her body.
This is a true imagery of courage and bravery and shows us how to face adversity in life, be it at work, in the house or outside.

2. Sacrificing in the cause of Allah
Nusaybah stands for sacrifice - the moment she became a Muslim, she dedicated to sacrifice everything in her life to Islam , including her own children.

During the battle of Uhud, many men fled and only around 10 people stayed behind to protect the prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) and 40% of the people who stayed belonged to Nusaybah’s family. The story does not speak about 40% being part of a man’s family but of a woman’s family. This shows how strong of a woman she was, that the men in her family was recognised by her presence!

Nusaybah had 3 sons who all became shaheeds. Upon hearing about the death of her son Habib, she is reported to have said ‘it was for such a situation I prepared them’- meaning she raised them to be sacrificed in the way of Allah.

Habib was sent by the prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) as a messenger to Musaylam Al Khazaab- a powerful imposter who claimed prophethood. Along with Habib, another sahaba was sent. When they got Musaylam, he asked them 2 questions repeatedly:
‘Who is Muhammad?’
‘Who am I?’
The first sahaba, fearing for is life  replied you are a messenger of Allah to Musaylam.
Habib, well-trained by his mum, on the other hand was not scared. He was merely a messenger but he was not going to deny the truth.
He answered Muhammad (s.a.w) is the messenger of Allah.
And for the second question, his reply was always ‘I can’t hear you.’
Every time he said I can’t hear you, Musaylam ordered for him to be cut in pieces. And yet, he had the same answer everytime, and when they were done cutting him, they burnt him.

Rather than feeling sadness upon hearing that, Nusaybah was proud of her son and knew she had raised him right. She set the example for all mothers.

She was not the mother of just one shaheed but of 3. Her dua (prayer) was for her and her family to be reunited in Jannah with the prophet Muhammad (s.a.w). Dua which the prophet confirmed to be accepted.

Her other son Abdullah finally in the end killed Musaylam and avenged the death of his brother. Allah gave her this right in the Dunya ( this world) itself for justice rather than in Akhirah.

Her sons Abdullah and Damra also died in other battles.

What could be more important to a mother than the life of her children? Yet this woman did not flinch to sacrifice her own flesh and blood in the way of Allah.

3. Resilience and steadfastness is a sign of womanhood
She was steadfast- even after many injuries and battles she did not give up. She carried on fighting for Islam, losing her own body part, losing her own children- yet she never gave up.
In one of the battles, her son got hurt and the prophet (s.a.w) ordered her to go and tend to him, which she did dutifully. Once her son was in a better position, she said to him ‘get up and fight’. She loved her children and she cared for them, but she was a Muslim before everything else.
The prophet is reported to have said to her following all her injuries and losses, ‘Who can bear what you can bear Umm Umara?’
The prophet himself was amazed by her bravery and courage. No, he was not praising a man, but a woman for being physically and emotionally strong.

4. Having priorities is a must
At the battle of Uhud, she was meant to be merely handing out water to the fighters. She knew what her ‘job’ was but when she saw the men deserting the prophet (s.a.w) - she also knew what her priority was. Her aim and objective was to protect the life of the prophet (s.a.w) and Islam. So, instead of doing her ‘job’. She took the initiative proactively to defend the prophet (s.a.w) instead.

There is a saying- we need to choose our battles and this is exactly what she did.

5. Show our love for Allah and his prophet (s.a.w)
There is no denying her love for Allah and his prophet (s.a.w). The prophet saw this through out his life and so did his companions. This woman who was picking a sword for the first time stood without armour and shield and sustained injury after injury just to protect the prophet (s.a.w) when most men had deserted him to save their own lives!
How many people will sacrifice themselves for the deen? We cannot even sacrifice anything as our love for our nafs are so strong. We mould ourselves to please people rather than Allah and his messenger.

6. We should earn the respect of both men and women
She was not only respected and admired by the women but also by the men. After the death of the prophet (s.a.w) she and her family carried on to play important roles in Islam. She earned, gave and commanded respect. She showed not only a woman has intelligence but also physical strength when and as required.

She is a role model for all of us women to teach our daughters to take on martial arts and other physical activities to make them stronger. She showed us that not only men are fighters, but women can too- we not only can defend ourselves but others too! After all, she is the one who protected the prophet (s.a.w) with Allah’s permission.

7. Women’s rights
Nusaybah was not only fierce on the battlefield, but she was also sharp with her tongue.
She told the Prophet (s.a.w) that she is only hearing about men in the Quran then the following verse  was revealed:
‘Verily, the Muslims men and women, the believers men and women, the men and the women who are obedient to Allah, the men and women who are truthful, the men and women who are patient, the men and women who are humble, the men and women who give Sadaqat (Zakat), the men and women who observe fast, the men and the women who guard their chastity (from illegal sexual acts), and the men and women who remember Allah much with their hearts and tongues, Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward (Paradise)’ (33:35)


Don’t be scared to ask Allah and complain about your situation. He is ever-listening and have hope your dues and complaints are being heard by the one who can make everything possible.

Possibly, she is the first woman to ask for women’s right!

7 things we can learn form Umm Umara/Nusaybah bit Ka’ab


  1. Courage and bravery is for women too
  2. Sacrificing in the cause of Allah
  3. Resilience and steadfastness is a sign of womanhood
  4. Having priorities is a must
  5. Show our love for Allah and his prophet (s.a.w)
  6. We should earn the respect of both men and women
  7. Women’s rights

Tuesday 7 November 2017

12 Things modern Muslim women can learn from Khadija bint Khuwaylid (r.a)

Whenever we are trying to look for a female role-model in Islam, we often are pointed in the direction of how a wonderful wife, daughter and mother the Sahabiyyah were. Nowadays, more than ever we need to know what other roles did they play other than perfecting their role as a mother, daughter and wife. What did they do for themselves? What made them an asset to the society they were living in? How did they contribute to raising the status of women in Islam outside their households?

I will be dedicating a series of blogs to the Sahabiyyah and the roles they played outside their relationship with the men in their families to show that us women do have role models we can look up to in order to aspire us to become the best for ourselves.


Who is  Khadija (r.a)?

The first wife of the prophet (saw) and the only one till her death.
She is the only wife to have given him children.
The first revert/convert to Islam.


Who was Khadijah (r.a) before she married the prophet (saw)?

Khadija bint Khuwaylid was the daughter of a noble and rich businessman of the Quraysh. She was highly sought  after for marriage due to the high status of her father  and she had been married twice before she married the prophet Muhammad (saw).

Khadija had been married and was a widow, having inherited the money of her late husbands. It is said her second husband was very rich, and after his death, she inherited all of his money and business.

Khadija was a smart woman brought up in a house of a smart and intelligent businessman and undoubtedly benefitted from her father’s knowledge and know-how in the business world.

She was known as Ameerat-Quraysh (“Princess of Quraysh”) and al-Tahira (“The Pure One”) and was a fierce business competitor in a world ruled by men. 

She knew how to handle her business single-handedly and appointed many a man to take care of her business dealings which involved a lot of travelling, and which may have been obstacle for her due to her being also a single mother and having the care of her children.

Khadija(r.a) was very clever and could tell she was being swindled by the men she appointed to do the business deals, which involved travelling and trading goods in different parts of the country/world. She knew she was making more profit, but it was not coming back to her as those men would lie about the profit they were making.

She wanted someone honest and she heard about Muhammad Al-Ameen (saw) through her sister, who had previously employed him. Khadijah (r.a), upon hearing about him decided to appoint him as a salesman; but she was also a very intelligent woman, reason being she also sent her servant along with him to make sure she received appropriate feedback about him. She was not one to be conned!

The servant could not stop praising Muhammad (saw) and how he dealt with other people fairly and the manner in which he conducted his business. Moreover, Khadija(r.a) knew she has finally found the honest man she has been looking to conduct her business as she had never made as much profit before with any other salesman.


How did she propose to the prophet Muhammad (saw)?

We consider ourselves to be living in a ‘modern’ world yet many of us would find it ‘inappropriate’ to approach a man and propose to him.

Khadija (r.a) was not one of those women - she knew what she wanted and she set out to work on getting what she wanted.

She was a confident woman, who believed in herself and had the courage to send a marriage proposal to Muhammad (saw) for herself.

She was also a noble woman, and as such, she could not approach him directly to ask the question but instead sent her sister to do the job. She had the courage and yet the shyness (hayah) to ask him for his hand.

She was a rich woman, who even though widowed twice and being a single mother was constantly being showered with marriage proposals from the most affluent men, yet she was not attracted to the money and name of those people. She was a fine woman who could see deeper than that which meets the eye - she had a vision of a better future, a peaceful and happy life with a man who would be her partner and complete her in every aspect of life.

Muhammad (saw) had been a shepherd and he was living with his uncle at that time and did not have any place of his own - he could not afford a wife with whatever he was making and he was not looking into getting married as he knew he would not be able to provide for one fairly. Khadijah (r.a) overlooked this - she did not need a man to save her finances, she needed a man who knew his priorities and was ready to work hard and honestly to meet his needs. She saw what he could do and believed in him even before she married him. She could see that his honesty was going to be the basis of a worthy relationship. Although she had previously decided she had enough of marriages following her two marriages, she knew he was worth it as he was an honest and trustworthy man - a man that deserves to be loved and cared for even though his financial status was not the best!

When told it is Khadija bint Khuwaylid (r.a) that was seeking his hand, the prophet (saw) was shocked - The princess of the Quraysh wanted to marry a poor shepherd! He did not think he was worthy of her, but obviously being the strong woman she was - she wanted him as a companion and she made this clear by sending her sister to ask his hand in marriage. She was determined - she knew what she wanted and she was out to get it, even when the man in question himself had doubts! His poverty did not scare him, nor did the fact she is richer than him make her question whether a man would be willing to live under his wife’s wings.


Who was Khadija (r.a) as the wife of the prophet (saw)?

Khadija (r.a) believed in Muhammad (saw) even when he did not believe in himself. She knew he was the prophet even before he accepted this fact. She was his rock! She was also the one to give him a shoulder to cry on, to give him support and to hold his hand.

She was not just his wife, but she was his best friend, his confident, the one who made him stronger when he felt weak. This shows how emotionally strong she was as a woman. In most relationships, it is the man who plays the ‘strong’ character, but we can clearly see in their love story -  Khadija (r.a) was the one who made Muhammad (saw) even stronger. 

She believed so much in Allah and his prophet (saw) that she spent all her wealth in the cause of Allah - doing charity and supporting Muslims through thick and thin.  This shows how selfless she was, she was a giver and gave everything away even when Allah blessed her with immense wealth. She was not scared of being poor even though she always had a comfortable life - she stood for the truth and faced it by staying constantly at her husband’s side.


What is special about Khadija (r.a)?
Allah granted her the status of being the first convert/revert to Islam - a woman was chosen to be given this status. 
She is mentioned first in the Hadith related about the 4 best women in Islam due to her patience and resilience.
Allah himself sent her ‘salam’ through Jibril (a.s).
The prophet Muhammad (saw) loved her more than any other wife.


12 reasons she is our role-model?

1. She is the Mother of the Believers.
2. She was a strong, independent and self-reliant businesswoman.
3. She was a clever woman with sound judgement.
4. She was a successful business woman in a world ruled by men.
5. She did not let the fact that she was a widow and single mother affect her career.
6. She had a vision and a goal and she set out to get it.
7. She loved selflessly and dedicated her wealth to others.
8. She was the rock for the man in her life.
9. She thought with her brain as well as her heart.
10. She was daring, yet respectful.
11. She was not scared of challenges.

12. She was not looking for a saviour in a man.

Thursday 2 November 2017

Instilling gratitude in Children

" If you are grateful, He is pleased with you..." (Az-Zumar 39:7). 

These are the words of Allah, he promised us that if we show gratitude to Him, we would not be among the losers.


In a world becoming increasingly materialistic, how do we go about raising children who are grateful for what they have? For what has been bestowed to them by Allah’s blessings?

I am a teacher by profession and I have worked with children from the age of 4 to 16 in the past 9 years or so - I have experienced dealing with Muslims and non-Muslims children and as a matter of fact, gratitude is one of the things that over the years I have witnessed being on the decline among today’s youth.

Both my children are born and raised in a first world country where obviously they are surrounded by new technology, new toys and new gadgets - much of the materialistic things that today’s youngsters rely a lot on and consider a must.

Over 6 years ago when I realised I was pregnant with my first child, I had just bought a brand new flat screen 40” TV. One of the first decision I made was to raise my child differently to the children I have been teaching in schools, I wanted to give her something different - my time!

I got rid of the brand new TV and then started my journey of motherhood. Only a few months after her birth, I found myself living as a single mother and also expecting a second child. The first few years of motherhood were the hardest as financially I was not in the best of situation and although I had found a more reliable job following the birth of my 2nd child, the pay was not the best but I was grateful to Allah for getting us through this tough patch.

I wanted my kids to realise how lucky and blessed we were that Allah made sure we had a roof on our head, food on our plates and clothes to wear. I started looking into how I could show my children that although we may not have the best of everything, what we do have is more than we need and Alhumdulillah I found a good and practical way of doing this.

One of my muslim friends started a homeless people project and asked me if I would help out. She was a divorcee and a revert with not much support herself, and who had upon her conversion to Islam experience some sort of homelessness herself. I asked her if she wouldn’t mind if I bring my daughters along (they were aged 2.5 and 3.5 then) as I thought it would be a good way of showing them what life is like for other people. So, we would cook and packed food as well as prepare hygiene packs which had the basic items for grooming and hygiene for the homeless people. Every      Saturday evening, when  people were getting ready for their night outs, we would load our handbags with foods and those survival packs to give out to people. I would rarely hand out any of them, but rather used to let my daughters to do it - the people they gave the things to were obviously dressed  in rags - old, stained, dirty and smelly clothes. They were not the most appealing  looking people - some have not had a hair cuts in months, others have not showered in quite a while and so on. You can pretty much portray the beggars from any old English movie you have seen - many did look exactly like that! It was important for me to teach them that those people ’s appearances did not matter, and they were not ‘ugly’ but instead they were having a difficult time and they had nowhere to live, no where to sleep, no food to eat and so on. I wanted them to be aware of other people’s difficulties and pain so they could see how much better off we are and give thanks to Allah for all we have.

We had fluorescent jackets with the logo of the charity we were helping out and they were oversized for their tiny body, but they loved it - they loved being part of the crew and helping making a difference to other people’s lives. The homeless people were thankful to us for what were doing for them, but I was also thankful and grateful for them to teach my children about appreciating the blessings we have. My kids, even though very young obviously asked questions about what happened to them(the homeless people) and why we needed to help them etc - and this helped to develop empathy in them towards others. 

One day, one of the homeless ladies who we had given some food asked me if I wouldn’t mind if she gives something to my kids and if she could hug them. She explained she has not seen her grand children in years and she would just like to hug them for making her day brighter. She had gotten a pack of sweets for them and wanted them to have it. As she gave it to them,I could spot a little tear rolling down the side of her eyes. Maybe my kids could not understand what this one hug meant to her, but I could and I am sure even though they were very young they could feel the love and warmth of that person. Unfortunately, we could not carry on with the project as there was not enough people to give us a hand but even till date - 2 years later, my kids still ask about ‘when are we going to feed the poor people’.

Another anecdote is the old lady selling Big Issue outside our local shop. For years there is this old lady (a refugee) who sells the Big Issue to earn some pennies in order to survive. Since my kids were babies, whenever I go shopping there , I make it a point to buy some extra food or drink item to give to her on our way out. Both my children know we always get her something, and when we are inside the shop, they will ask ‘Mummy can we get her this or that this time?’ I could not tell you how proud of them I feel whenever they do that - they love giving her her little something on the way out. The lady speaks no English, but she has come to recognise me and my daughters and she knows we will always get her something. My youngest once asked me why do we always buy the old lady stuff - I explained that Allah has given us enough to share with others so we can make them happy, then Allah feels happy and give us more. 

One day, I was packing away old clothes to give to charity, my daughters walked in and asked me what I was doing - I told them I’m giving away their old clothes to the children who don’t have clothes to wear as their mummy and daddy cannot buy any. My eldest said, ‘What about toys Mummy? Do they have toys?’ I said they probably do not. ‘Can we give them some of the old toys we don’t play with?’  So off they went getting their old toys and packing it away - some were not even old, and some the still played with, but they were so happy about sharing their happiness with other children that they were not bothered about giving toys they actually liked. Some of the toys were a bit tacky, so we went to the shop and got some pencils, colouring books etc to add to the pile so they could also have some ‘new’ things.

My kids do not have the latest gadgets, toys etc but they are happy for what we have and they are thankful to Allah for whatever He gives us. They understand that other children may have certain things we do not have, but they are grateful and happy for what we have and Alhumdulillah never have I experienced them throwing a tantrum for something they want or would like to have. 

As a single mother, I must admit money does run low, and sometimes I would like to give them more but we just cannot afford it! But they understand that we have priorities and inshAllah if we have more money then we can have extras from time to time, but they are grateful for whatever I give them and always thanks Allah for it. A ‘jazakhallah khairan’ can go a long way but also the fact as parents if we commit to doing something for them then we actually do it. If we promise to give them something once we are in a better position, then we actually do it! 

To finish off I would like to end with a dua my daughters often make when we finish praying:’Oh Allah thank you for everything you have given us, but can you give my mummy more money or give us a new dad who will buy us all the toys in the world. Ameen’


I do pray both duas get accepted inshaAllah.