Saturday, 17 August 2013
I often get asked how do I cope being a single Mum. The people who ask me this question are all genuine, they seem to find it hard to cope with raising a child even with a husband around and/or other family members around to support them.
I think the answer is probably the most simple one, it's not easy but you know if you don't do it, nobody else is going to.
I have probably been a single Mum since my first child was only about 3 months old, and I was pregnant with my second child pretty soon after that, probably when child number 1 was about 5/6 months old. Neither of my children were planned but they were fondly expected by me. My marriage was always rocky and the biggest blow came about when child 1 (Fafa) was only 3 months. My second child (Sana) was conceived during a brief moment of reconciliation with my now ex-husband. So, my whole second pregnancy went as a lone parent as well.
I sometime think what my life would be like without my children. I probably would have been further ahead in my career, might be I would be travelling ( I love travelling and visiting new places). Maybe I would have had a happy life filled with excitement and surprises or maybe just a dull life centred around my career. But, there is no point in dwelling too much on this. What I do have, is a life definitely full of: excitement, surprises and never a dull moment!
I have been through a fair share of hardship and it is still not over but I also have had a lot of fun all along. My daughters are amazing, and I guess all parents would say that about their kids. Mind you, I am not the type of person who go on about their family and kids 24/7. People who know me personally would actually tell you I very rarely talk about my kids unless its a milestone they've crossed. I just find it really annoying when you meet someone and all they talk about is their husband/kids. Like seriously?! Is it all you've got in your life. Certainly my kids are the most important people/things my life, but I am also me sometime not only Mummy-me.
I think some people find it hard to know who they really are after becoming a wife/mother. It's like they forgot about what they used to like/do before they got married or had kids. Anyway, I think it's important to find yourself sometime, otherwise your duties as a Mum/wife may become a burden, a burden you find hard to carry. It doesn't need to be like that. I barely have any spare time to spare for myself but the fact is though I am very rarely having a dull time. I enjoy every moment I spend with my kids, instead of making all their activities fit into mine, I try to find a balance so some of their activities are fitted around mine and vice-versa.
My children are probably the most known kids in our local surestart centres, we are there almost every day of the week at different sessions, yet I also make sure all my housechores are done. I hate feeding them take aways or ready meals, I try as much as I can to cook for us. Yet, on top pf all of that, I can still squeeze in my activities, such as performing my prayers, doing my personal research and work, my workout exercises and much more. A lot of the activities that I do for myself, I actually am able to get my kids to join in, so it becomes our activities. In a way you can say it is not only me compromising but them as well.
I think if I didn't have them today I would have had a flourishing career, but probably that's about it. The satisfaction my children to me, no career in the world could. And, my career is waiting ahead for me, I have already started working for it. As they say, slowly but surely. So, surely I will get there, and I am already on the way. I probably can also say that I am satisfied as to where my career is heading and I know I will go further by God's will.
I used to read about how some women felt incomplete, although they had everything except for a child. I think if I just had my career, they would still have been avoid in my life, which my children fill to the brink. I am a much stronger person than I would have been without them. I want to thank my cutie pies for making me who I am today.
PS: I hope you like the elephant pic as much as I do x